I'm sure the birth of your first child is hard to forget, but I think having it written down or typed out is a great idea. That way the story can be told even after you are not around to tell it. I also read many stories of home births while I was pregnant and found it inspiring and uplifting. So maybe this will do the same for other expectant mothers out there.
It was the night of Monday, May 16th, around 7pm, when you decided to start this birthing journey. You ran out of room in my belly and wanted to see what this big world was all about. My contractions started fairly easily and were about 8 minutes apart. I was able to finish watching the episode of Vikings that we had on and then get ready for bed and try to sleep. I got little bits of sleep here and there until about 4am. Some time during the night my mucus plug came out completely so I knew this must be it.
I had to get up at that point, sleep was hopeless. The contractions were now about 5 minutes apart and I had to stop what I was doing and breathe through them. I woke your dad up to help me right about the time the sun was bringing light into the house. I am never up that early so it was nice to see the light of dawn and knew I would see your face so soon.
Your daddy helped me draw a bath but the water didn't cover my belly so daddy helped keep it warm with water and washcloths. I tried to relax in the water until the warmth faded. We then decided it was time to let the midwife know, today really is the day.
The rest of the day seems to be a bit of a blur. The midwife arrived around 9am and Grandma Lori came at 10. The midwife asked some questions about how I was doing and I found it hard to talk. I was very emotional and felt as though if I spoke I would crumble to pieces. Daddy and the midwife figured out the birthing tub and got it filled with water while I was in the bedroom.
Once it was ready, I got into the tub and tried my best to relax. Our plan was to do hypnobirthing, but my mind was having none of that! It was quite incredible how my brain was working. It was definitely on survival mode, just trying to get through each contraction and breath and relax, but at the same time I had a hard time relaxing.
Aunt Jennifer arrived sometime around lunch, I know that because she brought lunch with her. It was a nice spread of sandwiches from Baggins, one of my favorites! It was a long day of laboring around the house. I mostly remember being in the birth pool in the nice warm water, leaning against the side of the tub and taking sips of water or bite of food in between contractions. I tried other positions on the couch or floor but everything hurt. For some reason I only wanted the midwife there to comfort me in the beginning. I can't quite explain it but she just had the right tone and said the right things to calm me.
At 8pm on Wednesday my water finally broke. It happened while I was in the birth tub and I felt a lot less pressure at that point. But then the next contraction showed me, it was really on! Each contraction was much more intense now and I could feel my body trying to push you down. In the birthing class we learned that I should imagine you coming down and "breath the baby down" so I tried to do this. Sometimes it was just too intense and I would moan or cry out in pain and any sound I made, created a much more intense pressure. It was so odd, but I quickly learned that if I make any sound, it hurts a lot more. The midwife encouraged this, but the hypnobirthing class said it's best to be quite. So I was a little confused as to know what to do.
Contractions were about every 1-2 minutes at this point and also happened every time I tried to change positions or take a step. I could not believe the pressure and pain. It was so intense, like my body had the most enormous energy coming from it. Looking back, it was so amazing. I'm so proud of myself for getting through it. Even with what happened next.
The next part is hard to remember, mostly because I don't want to. It was a rough few hours where the midwife was demanding that I push and work harder to get you out, while my training from the 6 week hypnobirthing class and book I read told me that I don't need to push because my body will naturally expel you when it's time. Plus my water had only been broken for a few hours. But the midwife kept stressing me out and it was not what I expected at all. She brought me in the bedroom by myself and told me that my blood pressure was so high that I was putting my life and my baby's life in jeopardy by not pushing and doing the work. Speaking was so incredibly hard so I didn't say much and when I did it brought tears. I just wanted Ben to be there to comfort me and help give me strength but she wouldn't let him in.
So she let me rest in bed for a while after taking some blood pressure medicine. When she came back in the room she told me it was time to push you out or go to the hospital and probably have to have surgery to get you out. I felt so weak and tired and more exhausted than I could imagine but somehow I managed to find some energy buried deep down inside. I knew I would get to see your squishy little face and feel you in my arms if I could just get through this so... after an hour of intense pushing while laying on our bed, you finally came out and plopped up on my tummy. Once you were on my belly you started to cry a beautiful little cry, the most wonderful sound I could imagine in that moment. Your body was so warm and soft, all covered in fluids and meconium. You had your first poop on your way out! It was 1:41am on Wednesday May 18th.
I just held you there in my arms until the birthing was finished, and then helped you find my breast and you had a tiny first meal before falling asleep. I just held you for what felt like 5 minutes and forever at the same time. It was over an hour and then it was time to weigh you, cut your cord, and clean you up a little. Grandma Lori held you up on the scale to see your weight; Daddy held you and cut your cord. And I took a shower! I was so exhausted. I felt like I had run two marathons in a row and didn't eat or drink the whole time. Ha! So I ate the last few sandwiches left from lunch the day before.
Once all the cleanup was done it was about 6am. Everyone went home and we went to sleep. You cuddled up right next to mommy and daddy, and so began our journey together in this world.